Sex and Relationships Q+A

	Meg Krein, MS
	Meghan at Examiner.com Twitter.com/MegKrein

What can I do to increase my sex appeal?

Enroll in comedy school. I’m not joking. Almost all women I know say a sense of humor is the No. 1 thing they look for in a man. Looks came second. So after you’ve learned how to tell a joke, run to the gym. No need to get all ‘roided out. A little definition will do. Next, ensure you’ve got yourself together. A woman likes a man with a sense of style. Are you dressing like a man or are you stuck in that awkward in-between stage? Our Image and Style expert, Lisa Anne Martin, can help you out. Finally, make sure you’re using what your mama taught you: your manners.

Can I become psychologically addicted to Viagra?

In short (no pun intended, really), yes you can. But psychological addiction usually only occurs when Viagra is abused, which happens as a result of the increased confidence it provides. According to recent studies, the biggest market for Viagra is men under the age of 40. Clearly, few men under 40 are being treated for erectile dysfunction (ED). They are using the drug as a performance enhancer – to be a stud in bed. So although they are physically fit and sexually healthy, they may be developing a psychological addiction because they don’t believe they can perform as well without Viagra.

I’ve been with my girlfriend for a year now and the sex is not what it once was. What can I do to get the spark back in the bedroom?

You say the sex isn’t what “it once was.” Well let me tell you something, it won’t ever be. But before you go looking on Craigslist, hear me out. Relationships constantly evolve, which is a good thing. Change is the one constant we can count on in life. It’s just requires a little more work or creativity on both of your parts. I suggest you take the lead. Start with a little romance. Cook for her. Give her a massage. Take her out of town. Send her flirty text messages. Compliment her and tell her why you love her. Women absolutely love to be admired and cherished. She’ll reciprocate. You get what you give. In no time at all, you’ll be getting some.

I’m in my late 30’s and I’ve lost my sex drive recently. Is this normal?

Normal? No. Common? Yes. I can’t give you a straight answer because losing your sex drive is a complex problem and a variety of issues could be going on. Let’s rule them out.

• Are you on medications? They can affect on your sex drive, especially drugs that treat depression and high blood pressure. (I’m assuming we can rule out illegal substances.) Talk to your doctor, who can prescribe alternate medications.
• Are you running yourself ragged? Stress can be a big factor. Take time for you.
• How is your relationship? You probably don’t want to bang if you’re not getting along. Take an inventory of your relationship.
• Do you have an unknown medical condition? Depression, diabetes, cancer, and heart disease can all deplete your sex drive, either by dulling thoughts of sex or reducing blood flow to your member. Get checked out.

I want to have sex more often than my wife does. How can I bring her interest up to my level?

Apart from bringing Johnny Depp into the bedroom? Try a little romance. In a marriage, it’s so easy to become complacent and fall into a routine. In other words, let things get a little humdrum. So, take a trip down memory lane. How was your lovemaking before she lost interest? It probably wasn’t the “Wham, bam, thank-you ma’am” style, huh? Sex therapist Dr. Marta Meana makes an interesting argument. She believes that the real female orgasm is simply being desired. To sum it up, desire your wife. Make her feel that you not only want to have sex, but that you want to have sex with her.